Dear Tiger,

When you asked “How do you adopt a baby sloth? Asking for a Friend.” I couldn’t help but chuckle, and wether or not you meant to question sincerely, I’m going to answer it sincerely.

It is not illegal to own a sloth.  There are no laws against importing them, no ordinances against them in Iowa specifically, and no special registration in this state.

So, by all means, go to that shady exotic pet website, possibly participate in a brutal and apathetic trade, and pay hundreds of dollars to get the pet of your dreams.

Brutal?  Apathetic?  Didn’t you just want a sloth?  It’s not that easy.

Genuine sloth breeders are few and far in between, and the ones who are likely of the greatest moral fiber are all about the restoration of an endangered species or research–not about pet production.

So the only option left is to “rescue” one from the wild.  However, according to ABC News, these are not rescues, they’re wild sloths forcibly taken from their homes, stuffed into crates, and left to die if they don’t sell.

Sloths have unbelievably complicated habitat and food requirements that exist because of their highly specific adaptations; the rainforest you’d be pulling them from is literally the only environment they’re suited to exist in.

However, all is not lost.  Several sanctuaries are offering symbolic adoptions.  A symbolic adoption is a process by which you financially support for an animal that needs your help.  Through these “adoption” agencies, you’ll be able indirectly care for an animal in need, and you can rest assured that somewhere, you’re caring for the pet of your dreams in the way that they need to be helped.